Intention vs Impact in Parenting
In this blog post I will share how to understand intention versus impact when parenting. The value of intention is important. As parents, we generally intend to make decisions or act in the best interest of the child. However, regardless of our intentions, our actions may have a negative impact on our child. That is why it is important to understand intention versus impact in parenting. Realizing the value of impact and that it holds more weight is one of the keys to parenting success.
I once attended a professional training class on race and discrimination. This was when the concept of intention versus impact was introduced to me. It can be applied to many things. The idea is perfect for parenting. It will help provide more clarity regarding the actions we take as parents. Intention and impact are both important in parenting.
Intention in parenting
Parents can be proactive or reactive in their approach. Our intentions can be good or bad. It can be right or wrong. Perhaps our child did something wrong that needed to be addressed? Maybe it was a decision we made? But it doesn’t matter in this situation. Highlighting the value of intention is our goal here. We can encounter a wide range of issues as parents that will require an action or reaction. The question is, why is intent important? We didn’t mean to hurt our child! We’re talking physical, psychological, emotional, and/or spiritual. Our intention is the way we intended our actions to be perceived. However, our children may perceive our actions differently, this is where impact comes in.
Impact in parenting
Our children are what they are. They are young and learning. They are going to make mistakes. Most of the time, they aren’t doing anything wrong. Again, we’re highlighting the value. In this case, it’s impact. I want to say it doesn’t matter what we say to our kids, but it does. What we say or do, matters. Our action can be physical, verbal, or inaction. The question here is, how does it affect or impact our kids? How is it received? What is the reaction, response or result? Did it cause physical pain? Did it end negatively.
Here is a list of situations or examples where a parent’s impact may be negative even if the intention is good.
- Intent- Working extra hours to pay for dance. You want to support your child in their interests. Impact- You have less time to spend with your child.
- Intent- Verbally reprimanding your child for an unacceptable behavior. Corrective steps are important. In your head, the tone was appropriate for the infraction. Impact- Your child felt like they were being yelled at. They heard you but missed the message.
Growth as a parent, starts when we recognize and have a better understanding of the relationship between intention and impact. the fact is, we are the adult and parent. We need to be aware of the fact that our child may perceive our actions differently then the way we intended.
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